Paramount importance in human communication is the ability to listen. From the statistics it follows that from the time that we use for contacts with others: 9% we write, 16% we spend on reading, 30% – we speak and as much as 45% – we listen, and to be more precise, we should listen.
During a conversation, first of all, you need to understand the purpose of your interlocutor. We must not forget that a person during a conversation usually pursues several goals or moves from one goal to another. When he wants to show his respect (respect) and develop relationships, then this is a social goal. When the interlocutor tries to find out any information, this is already an informational goal. During the exit of a conflict situation, partners try to reach a compromise – this is an expressive goal. The last goal is incentive (t.e., if the interlocutor makes some demands, complains or asks for something, thus trying to force them to listen, to meet halfway).
If the goal is social, then listening correctly means taking part in everyday communication. Sometimes a simple smile or handshake is all it takes. In this communication, the interlocutors listen in turn and do not interrupt each other.
In the case when the purpose of the conversation is the exchange of any information, then listening correctly means correctly understanding the speech of the interlocutor, perceiving and remembering. If there is a lot of information or it is complex, it is advisable to resort to the help of a notebook in which to make short notes. Here, the techniques of reflective (“active”) listening will not be superfluous (t.e. clarification, paraphrasing and summarizing).
In expressive communication, listening techniques for non-reflexive (i.e.e., the ability to remain silent, not to interfere in the speech of the interlocutor). Since he is already so excited and it is difficult for him to speak meaningfully. You need to express your understanding and support to him.
Listening techniques are indispensable when the purpose of the conversation is to resolve the conflict. Listening is based on understanding and empathy with the feelings of the interlocutor. In this case, it is important to show by your behavior that you accept and understand his feelings and anxiety.
But whatever the purpose of communication, you still need to know the techniques of listening and use them skillfully.